Did you know that prayers are answered?

You know that awful moment: you've lost something important, and you have no idea where to find it. You're kicking yourself for not remembering where you put it, and now you need it.

This happened to me today. I lost my social security card, and I needed it for tax documents at my new job. I knew I knew it was here in Provo because I had to have it when I started my secretary job on campus a year ago. But where I put it after that...I had no idea. I tried to rack my brain to remember where I would have put it, and I came up with nothing. So I did a quick search through my stuff...and still nothing. So I said a prayer, and hoped that Heavenly Father would help me find it.

So, I went back through my stuff again, and in my two hours of searching, I found:

-A letter from my sister, Emily, from when I was 8.
-A letter from my brother, Spencer, from when he was on his mission.
-A letter from my mother with advice for dating.
-A birthday card from my Grandma who recently passed away.
-All of the letters I've received from missionaries in the last two years.
-A copy of my father's blessing from my first semester at BYU.
-A $40 check I had forgotten about.
-The original copy of my patriarchal blessing.

And, after finally coming across all of these things, I finally found my social security card wrapped in a letter from my mom.

After running around my apartment with joy and relief that I had finally found it, I immediately thought about how often Heavenly Father prolongs an answer to prayers so that we can learn and discover things along the way. As much as I needed to find my social security card for my new job today, Heavenly Father also knew that I also needed to come across all of those other things to address the other needs I have in my life right now.


Today, this girl is extra thankful for prayer.

(Notice anything different?)

Thankful.

Do you ever have moments when you are overwhelmed with gratitude for the simple things in your life? 

Moments when you have no specific reason to be so excited about life...

But you can't help but be happy? 

Tonight, I experienced this feeling. All of my worries, my schooling demands, and my fears were left behind for the moment and I was overcome with a sense of gratitude. After leaving my ever-so-uplifting religion class, I had a great conversation with an old friend. We talked about our past experiences, what we learned, and what we hope for in our futures. This made me so happy and uplifted my spirit. While walking home, I looked up at the pitch black sky, filled with beautiful white stars. I started grinning to myself and began thinking of all that I am grateful for:

My life. 

To be at BYU. 

To be learning from some of the best professors in the world. 

To be settled into a major that I love.

My family. 

My testimony. 

My wonderful roommates.

The temple.

My new ward. 

My FHE family.

My testimony.

My faith in my future. 

To be where I'm at.

To be learning what I am.

And to be growing into the woman Heavenly Father expects me to become. 

Who We Really Are.

This weekend, I went home for my grandmother's funeral. Her 81 years were filled with heartache and struggle. Her father died when she was three, her mother remarried a man who was verbally abusive, she went through two divorces, she suffered from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and she lived the last few years of her life in extreme loneliness and pain. She lived a unfair life, and for this reason, I believe that death was a blessing for her. I imagine her coming home to her Heavenly Father just a few short days ago, and I think she must have been happier than she had been in a very long time. I imagine her free from her crutches, free from her constant pain, free from her unfair loneliness, confidently facing her parted loved ones. Finally liberated from her past life, she may have thought, "Oh, this is who I really am." 

Whenever I go home, this time and every other time, I am filled with reminders of who I really am. Being away at school, completely on my own for months at a time, it is easy to loose my sense of who I really am. Being around my parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews, I am reminded of the person that I really am. I remember that am a daughter, a sister, and an aunt. I am reminded of the traits that I came to possess while growing up in Nampa, Idaho. When I was driving and talking in the car today with my parents, my mom teared up for a moment while talking about how I came to be a part of our family--that she waited for years for the daughter who would complete her family. While listening to her talk, I thought to myself, "Oh, this is who I really am." 

Because of a veil separating us from what we once knew, it's easy to forget who we really are. We try to make our way through life, we become confused, we worry, and we struggle. Part of the test we face while we are here is whether we will remember who we really are. We are sons and daughters of the most glorious being in the universe. We are experiencing a small piece of eternity--a piece we know as "life". We come to think that our Father in Heaven is distant and removed from our lives. But in all actuality, He is very close to us. He can be found in almost every part of our days. He's here, willing and able, to remind us of who we really are.

Driving down I-84 back to Provo tonight, I looked out across the passing cities and saw brightly lit temples dotting the completely dark landscape. The thought came to me that these really are bits of Heavenly Father's home scattered across the earth. I am so thankful that we can actually visit his homes here on earth, feel his spirit and influence, and have the thought cross our minds, "Oh, this is who I really am."

A Vent Sesh: Life (Particularly Mission) Decisions.

I cannot count how many times in the last two days I have been asked the question: 

"So are you going on a mission?" 

While I appreciate people taking an interest in my life, I can't help but want to say back, "I don't know yet. Please mind your own business. Just because I can go on a mission now, doesn't mean I should go on a mission now."

Before you judge me for thinking something so bold, let me explain to you why I feel this way. A few months back, I would quite often be asked the question, 

"So when are you getting married?"

Again, I would want to say back, "I don't know yet. Please mind your own business." And I would be willing to bet that in the next couple of years, I'll start to be asked the question, 

"So when are you going to start having babies?"  

I understand that the people I know care about me and want to know what's going on in my life. But in life decisions as intimate and personal as missions, marriage, and family, more respect, tact, and kindess should be used. These big decisions take time, lots of prayer, fasting, and aren't just decided overnight. So please be patient and mind your own business while I try to understand and discover the Lord's will for my life. 

on my mind.

What's been dominating my thoughts for the last couple of weeks?

 

Decisions. 

Decisions for my future. Everywhere.

In 5-10 years from now, I realize that these decisions won't matter. But for right now, they're a pretty dang big deal. Decisions about where to spend next Winter semester, about dating & marriage, about school, about internships, about a mission, etc.

All of these questions constantly dominate my thoughts and fill my head with wonder, curiosity, and excitement. But still, there's always that ounce of worry penetrating every one of those thoughts as well. After all, I am my grandmother's granddaughter.

My grandma, the world's most accomplished worrier and lover, and me.  

My wonderful grandma diligently taught my mother, who diligently taught me that despite all of the whirlwinds of life, there is one sure foundation all can plant themselves on: Jesus Christ. While I can worry all I want to about the future and about making the wrong decisions, if I am doing the simple things each day to keep my foundation on Jesus Christ, I won't go down the wrong path. Things like meaningful scripture study, having a consistently prayerful attitude, inviting the spirit into each day, and being optimistic can provide a sure foundation upon Jesus Christ. 

Recently, I was reminded of the challenge President Eyring issued one general conference, where he said that he asks himself at the end of each day:

"How have I seen the Lord's hand in my life today?" 

For the last week, I've written this question in my journal each night, and I am amazed by the many ways I've seen the Lord's hand in my day. From having a meaningful talk with roommates, to having a verse of scripture speak to my soul, to having the opportunity to talk to my best friend for 10 minutes before she boarded the plane to the mission field, I have seen God's hand in my life in so many ways each day. 

When I'm reminded of this fact, I am reminded that I am capable of making these decisions. That it really will all work out. I don't need to worry. I don't need to stress. I can turn that over to the Lord, and confidently take one more step into my future. 

I just love this: Vintage Photo

This photo was taken by the german photographer, Alfred Eistenstaedt, who worked for Life magazine. Apparently, he is most famous for taking this picture. The title of this photo though, is "Wide Range of Facial Expressions on Children at Puppet Show the Moment the Dragon is Slain."

I just love it.

I miss that.

Today, I miss the days when you could be sick and miss school. And work. And everything would still be okay.

Now my life demands money, and my future journalism program demands good grades. So, missing school and work is not an option anymore. Even when I wake up for 8 o'clock class and feel like a semi truck ran over my face and like I'd rather die than get out of bed. Now, a throbbing headache, a stuffed nose, and a dry-as-a-desert throat aren't a good enough excuse to miss out on anything.

And then again, these are the days when I remember that things could be a lot worse, and so I suck it up and get on with my college life.

When Summer Happens.

Today I am home. Home, as in Nampa, Idaho. I am sitting in the bed that I slept in for about 10 years growing up, in the freezing basement room I love, listening to "Life Goes On" by Noah and the Whale, and contemplating on the summer of 2012. Despite being a summer of many ups & downs, it was still one of the best summers of my life. So, in an effort to remember (being the sentimental fool that I am), I decided to create a list of summer 2012 "I did's". Not in the hope that the 5 people who actually read my blog will enjoy and comment on what I write, but rather for me to remember and count my blessings for all that happened this summer. After all, you're only have a summer when you're 20 once.

So, here it goes. This summer, I....

Went on several trips. To...

• Portland, Oregon (twice). Once for a friend's wedding, and once for helping a professor I work with with a workshop. I got to see the ever fabulous Holm family both times. That city is beautiful and full of weird quirks to keep it interesting. I'm glad that I have family there permanently (congrats to the bro on getting a GREAT job there) and thus a reason to visit frequently.

The nieces and me at Voodoo Donuts--a Portland legend. Also home to be best donuts I've ever had. 

• Excursioned with great friends to the deserts of Southern Utah for camping in Goblin Valley. I realized, or rather remembered, how much I despise excessive dry heat. 

• Went to Idaho Falls twice to see my beautiful sister's family. Unfortunately, I didn't take pictures either time. Just know that she has some of the cutest kids in the world. Each visit provided me with the love, support, and help I needed to face things happening in Provo. I couldn't ask for a better family! 
• Took the annual trip to the Nelson Family Farm for the ever great family reunion. It was great to see three of my siblings and their kids, along with our fantastic parents. I tried my hand at flower crown making for the first time, much to the delight of a very cute niece (see below.) 

• Enjoyed our immediate family reunion in Cascade, Idaho. I've said it a thousand times, but I have the best family ever. I love conversations with my siblings and their spouses because we all have the same humor and also share a strong testimony of the gospel. My nieces and nephews may be extremely loud when they're all together, but they remain my favorite kids on the planet. And, I have the best parents in the world too. I can't wait to one day add to the clan with my own husband and kids. 

So glad we've got each other for eternity.

• This summer I also went to California for the first time. This trip deserves a blog post in and of itself. It was nothing short of amazing. We went to Disneyland (my first time!), California Adventure, the Beach, Hollywood, and also made a stop in Vegas. I also got to see my wonderful Aunt Shanan and cousin Josh while we were there. The three days we spent there were a complete dream. I'll try to tell the story of our experience there through a few pictures:

A tight, but very fun car ride. Taryn, me, Jeff, and Troy. Chloe is the only one missing.

The ever-cliche Disneyland entrance picture.

Tower of Terror. My favorite ride of the trip. I look cheesy, but that is a look of pure joy on my face.

The beach. So perfect--I love the waves, the feeling of sand under my feet, even the smell. Remind me why I don't live near the ocean??

We ate at a Las Vegas buffet. I've never been so full, nor so torn between which desserts to eat in my entire life. I promise all those plates aren't ours...oh, wait, yes they are. 

This summer, I also:

• Grew (or rather, am growing) my hair out. The A-line is in my past for now, and I'm trying to see how long I can handle having long hair. So far, I'm mostly liking it, but I have a feeling I might go back to short soon.
• Changed my major. Between helping write our department's newsletter, talking to Spencer & Rachel, and a lot of prayer, I decided that I wanted to change my major back to Journalism. It will take me an extra year at BYU, but the decision to go back to writing, and specifically back to news writing, feels so right. And I am so excited to start back into Communications classes and to go back to doing something that I enjoy. 
• Went to a Bon Iver Concert. I've only been waiting to do that for years. Here's me and Emily enjoying our favorite indie artist live.

• Said goodbye to two of my very favorite friends ever. Kevin Garland and Merrilyn Johns. Counting them, I realized that I've said goodbye to seven of my very closest friends for missions in the last year. Good thing I'm getting good at holding down the fort in Provo...

• Had lots of good friends get married. I know this happens when you're my age, but it seemed like a lot of my friends got married this summer. And I couldn't be happier for each of them! 

Chloe, me, the beautiful bride Caitlin, Taryn, and Merrilyn

• Realized that I am a money-seeker. I jumped at every opportunity to earn money that I had this summer. I always tried to work 40 hours a week, but also found ways at both my jobs (Scrap-booking store and secretary) to earn extra money. This turned out to be a real blessing, as I was able to scrounge up exactly enough money to pay for my tuition, rent, and books, in addition to all of my living costs over the summer. That leads me to my next point about how I realized...
• That Heavenly Father's looking out for me. In so many areas of my life, from friends, to dating, to school, to work, to family, I can see the Lord's hand in directing me to where I need to go. This gives me confidence to face whatever's ahead of me in the future. And....speaking of the future....

This summer, I decided to go to LONDON next Spring. I've wanted to take this trip ever since I was a little girl and watched my sisters go to Europe during college. This is literally the trip that I've been waiting to take my entire life, and it's going to happen this year. I couldn't be more excited for the upcoming school year, and most especially for London. Here's to another adventure!

Spiritual Musings on a Sunday Afternoon.

So I'm realizing that I never post on here. Or take any pictures. Or update my Facebook page. The world probably thinks I'm non-existent due to the fact that I hardly ever post anything on the internet. However, somehow when I am studying a gospel topic or come across good quotes, I feel a draw to post them on here (meaning, my blog). I think it's because it's a place I can always come back to and remember what I was thinking while I was studying these topics. Maybe the few readers of my blog will find these spiritual insights I'm having of use.

Today, I've been studying the topic of covenants. Remembering what a covenant is, how it binds us to God, what the covenants I've made mean, and what covenants I'll make in my future. I came across an amazing talk by D. Todd Christofferson called "The Power of Covenants" (see here.)

1. When explaining our need for covenants he says, "What is the source of moral and spiritual power, and how do we obtain it? The source is God. Our access to that power is through our covenants with Him." He explains the definition of a covenant by saying:  "A covenant is an agreement between God and man, an accord whose terms are set by God. In these divine agreements, God binds Himself to sustain, sanctify, and exalt us in return for our commitment to serve Him and keep His commandments."

Thus, covenants are essential for accessing the power we need from God. The covenants we make on earth with God are intended to literally bind our souls to God--God agrees to help, strengthen, and exalt us, we agree to serve and obey him.

2. "Divine covenants make strong Christians. I urge each one to quality for and receive all the priesthood ordinances you can and then faithfully keep the promises you have made by covenant. In times of distress, let your covenants be paramount and let your obedience be exact. Then you can ask in faith, nothing wavering, according to your need, and God will answer. He will sustain you as you work and watch. In His own time and way, He will stretch forth his hand to you saying, "Here am I."


What I take away from all of this is that I have made covenants that bind my soul to God. God will strengthen me according to how devoted, obedient, and careful I am with these covenants. He will always do his part, but the challenge remains as to whether I will do mine.